| exhaustion |
[07 Dec 2009|02:20pm] |
Things are going alright, this week is the last week of normal classes before finals, and on the 16th I am done with this semester from hell. Its funny really how I didnt think this semester would be that bad. After finishing my online course, I was down to three courses for one semester, it seemed ideal. But I guess working 3rd shift just took a toll on me after a while...I should finish up with all A's, maybe one B in my religion class, but what do you expect from someone who isnt religious.The job with campus safety is going well, I really like it because it allows for freedom, and responsibility all in one. The current Sgt. and Lt. have recomended me for a leadership position next year, and a few other students who have been on the campus safety crew for 1year or more also think I'd be good for it...that is really flattering, and nice to hear, but it puts ALOT of pressure on me. I think I'm up for it though, we'll see. Next year will be my SENIOR year...so it all depends on how much time I have between internships and such.
Wow...senior year in college. it sure went by fast...seems like just last year I was finishing up high school. In a way Im excited, it sounds so weird to say "in one year I'll be graduating", but at the same time its also very scary...at this time in my life, I had always pictured myself engaged, planning a wedding, etc...but thats only a matter of time..
I know Robert is the one for me, and he agrees that I am the one for him. We're addressing a few issues that need to be worked out before marriage can happen, and Im so excited to see when he feels it is the right time to pop the question. I know that by the time he asks me to be his wife, that I will have grown up and matured to a point where he felt I was ready for marriage and that means a lot to me...
Because I am so much younger than him, I still have alot of maturing to do...and I am moe than willing to do it at a young age, but it will be such a compliment when he and others can see the maturation in my actions and behaviors. Personally, I feel often times that Im already at a good point in my life to settle down, but he's being very fair about this and making sure that I am ready for such a huge step...its great to have someone who respects my age, and doesnt look down on me for still having some growing up to do.
Next semester I havemy exploratory, I think Im going to do it at "parenting services", per recomendation from my therapist...who, by the way, I only see maybe 5 times a year now. Thats a huge thing considering I used to see her 2x a week. Its been slow growth and healing since the incident in high school, but I feel like Im getting somewhere with it. I dont self harm anymore, and havent in a while...the urge is there, more often than not, but I am able to deal with it and recognize it as an urge, and not a necessity.
This christmas is rapidly approaching...the begining of this year I was imagining Robert proposing during the christmas time, but now I know that isnt happening...and that makes it kind of exciting (again, because I do not know when he'll make the big step). But it also makes it exciting because I dont know what he's getting for me...Likewise, he doesnt know what Im getting for him. Its quite exciting...this is our 2nd christmas together, and this time we wont have to end it knowing that im leaving the country in a few days...we will spend our 1st new years TOGETHER...because last year I was in Africa...and that will be so remarkably exciting. I cannot wait to bring in the new year with a magnificant kiss with the one I love.
Its crazy to think that it has been nearly a year now that I was in Africa...I miss that place so very much. I look back at pictures all the time, I look at the clothing I have from there, and wear it often...I just miss the weather, the beauty, the passion of the people and the freedom/possibilities for me...Someday I hope Robert would like to visit with me there, I'd love to show him what I see in the beauty of Africa, just as sometime in our future I hope he is willing to share with me the passion he has for Germany.
Either way, this has been a long entry, and class is quickly approaching...the end of the semester is winding down, and I couldnt spend this time doing much more productive things...but when one is running on very little sleep and a horrendous headache, nothing soothes them better than talking about pleasentries.
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| True love... |
[20 Oct 2009|10:55am] |
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I remember now when Robert and I were dating...I mean, we still are but now it is exclusive. I am talking about the period when we were both dating multiple people, just getting a feel for the waters. He was so eager to make it exclusive, to stop seeing other people and make it just he and I but I was very hesitant. I liked him enough, that wasn't the issue...it was more, I wanted to be sure. After jake and I broke up I promised myself I wouldnt become exclusive with anyone unless I was sure...
Obviously, Rob and I eventually decided to become a couple. And even to this day, more than a year later, that honeymoon phase which usually is out of my system by the 2nd or 3rd month is still in effect. That childish butterfly feeling still overwhelms me, but in such a different way than before.
I feel like the girl who cried wolf, as I sincerely thought Jacob was the one for me. For three years, I thought this...and now, I am so certain that he never was the one for me. Although Jake taught me great life lessons and he and I are still good friends today, I just cannot imagine a life with him. That's why we ultimately broke up. Sure there were the fights and stuff, but ultimately, I couldn't see myself with him for the rest of my life...I didnt see a point in dating someone I was certain that I wasnt going to marry... Anyways, back to the point that I am deperately trying to make. I love Rob. He amazes me everyday. His personality, and all of his interests never cease to intrigue me. He always has something fun or interesting to do. He loves me, and respects me. He is patient and very kind, heck - he even cries during movies. I just...I know I sound so childish sometimes when I try to describe what it feels like when I am with him...and the only thing I can think of that definetly defines it for me personally, is that I can't even sing a love song (a good love song, not even a heart-break one) without tearing up, smiling, crying some more, and continue smiling even after the song is over and I've butchered it. I love not being able to hold my happiness in when I think of Robert.
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| Gluttony |
[10 Oct 2009|11:40am] |
I always said that if I were to die of one of the deadly sins - it would definetly be gluttony. I love to eat, I love food. I love gathering with friends and family over a big meal - I love the taste and mystery in trying new foods, I love creativity that can blossum with food. Regardless of me having lost all of that weight throughout my first summer in college, I still eat the same way I did before. I am able, thankfully, to still injoy my love of food and keep a healthy lifestyle. But lately...Im concerned about myself. When I was more overweight than I am even now, people would tell me I was eating myself to death. Although alot of my obesity came from a very unhealthy lifestyle and the fact that I was eating my depression away didnt help, but I always replied with the fact that atleaast I would die happy. I wasnt so concerned over my looks and my weight to prevent myself from enjoying the art that is cuisine. In August I hurt my back pretty badly, and although this may seem irrelivant, it isnt. I dislocated a rib from the rib join on the right side. On occassion if feels as if I am normal and the injury never occured, but it has its times where it flares up to an unimaginable amount of pain for about a week straight. It halts my life - classes are missed, work is neglected, sleep is disrupted due to pain, and it even hurts to breath. Whenever these flair up occur my mindset goes down simply because I feel worthless and helpless. The only comfort I had was a heating pad and maybe a nice hot bowl of soup. But this past flair up (going on 5 days now) has been the worst yet...I dont think I've eaten more than a days worth of food in the last week regardless of my wanting it.
I have no appetite when I am in this much amount of pain. Its like a double whammy - I feel hopeless AND I cant enjoy my favorite thing in the world. Its just frustrating...
Im going to physical therapy for the back, he seems confident that in the long run it may be helped, but he isnt sure how. The only reason he's agreed to work on my case is because I am so young and therefore have better chance of recovery. I just hope that he's right...I really dont think I could pursue my goals in life with this kind of pain randomly striking. It truly is crippling. I am so uncomfortable in any position so there is not even a moments relief of the pain. Some say that if I'm miserable either way that I should just go be miserable in class - but that's hard to do at SAU. Teachers notice you, they see the pain in your expression. They process each and ever wince of pain you show with each breath. My teachers all just tell me "go home"...and I dont blame them. I am far too distracted by trying to keep my composure to process the lecture. If Pat cant help my back pain...I dont know what I am going to do. It strikes so randomly with little to no indication as to when it'll hit. But when it does hit, it hits HARD and FAST. I cant imagine myself doing anything i've ever wanted with that risk at hand.
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| The expansion of Aunt Cheryn. |
[26 Sep 2009|12:20am] |
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I am going to be an aunt again. I suppose I'll need to update on this later...there are WAY too many mixed feelings to even being explaining. I need to think it all through and process all of the concerns, etc.
Aside from that, Rob and I are doing amazing. I miss him each minute I am not with him, and I fall farther in love with him every minute we remain a couple. I am so anxious to start our life together, like...OFFICIALLY, not just as a 'couple' status, but to really be together.
On that note, things are a bit discouraging as he still hasnt found a job in his field, in OR out of michigan. Him living with his mom is beginning to truly weigh down on his moods, and although the impact is small, it does affect 'our' time together.
My new job is going nicely. I work Tuesday nights (technically we call it Wednesday morning's) from 1am-5am, Friday nights (or saturday mornings) from 1am-5am, and Sunday evenings from 9pm until 1am. Classes and sleep dont seem to be affected all that badly, and everything is going smoothly. Only 5 more weeks of my online class, and then I'll only have to worry about my three on-campus classes. I need to start taking my medicine again. That part of my life HAS been impacted by this job. I forget to take my meds on the days I am back from work, and then I fall back into the lifestyle I do not want or appreciate. I can feel my emotions and attitudes changings and becoming very negative. Its been three weeks now without the Zoloft (all but maybe 5 days I managed to take it within 3 weeks), and I can just feel the pessimism and everything weighing in. All of the doubts about my life, my path, my goals and choices, my hopes and dreams, my relationships...everything begins looking VERY bleak. Luckily I can recognize it and try to prevent it, and I'm trying VERY hard to get myself into the habit of taking my meds...I want so badly to be who I like being. I do not feel fake at all when I am on the meds...it just helps me to look at the positives AND negatives, and not get stuck on the negatives. Oy vey...I need to go get something to drink before work...
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| Discouragement |
[28 Aug 2009|09:41am] |
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I am so frustrated right now. I should be happy, it is my last 8 hour day of custodial. But no...I cannot help but worry and fume over Rob's employment situation.
His mom finalyl mentioned that maybe he should just go back to school for his Masters. So he and I hopped online and were looking at schools and prices. Then we considered that maybe he should focus on getting some certifications that are desirable before getting a complete Masters and still being without these certifications. So we looked into PMP certifications, and it turns out the college he graduated from offers the course and prep for it for little to no cost. The thing that pisses me off so badly, is that this course was available to him when we went there for 4 Frickin' years! It is partially his fault for not looking into the requirements, but it makes me so mad that Central didnt offer some guidance or recomendations. Of course with each major there are required courses, but this PMP course is optional only if you have the desire to be a project manager. Seeing as Rob wants to do that, I dont understand why they didnt recomend him in this guided direction. Even SAU has a facult that sits down with you your freshman year and helps you find classes best suited for your most specific goals. I, for example want to be more into forensics and criminal fields of social work, so I am taking courses geared towards that which also satisfy the "social work" major requirement. It just frustrates me that he could be somewhere he wants to be by now, if only he had taken this stupid course. I just think that for as much BS that SAU is served for being a private university and for their rules, they sure to help people get qualified for what they want. I worry about Rob. I know he's frustrated and upset. He feels like a failure. I mean, I know its tough for him and I am conforting him and supporting him in ANY decision he chooses to make (even applying to a place 500 miles away). But it doesnt make it any easier for him. No matter how much I say I understand, or am proud of him, he still feels like he has failed completely. How do I help him? I've told him that nothing should hold him back, especially me. If he finds a job in florida, we will work through it indefinetly. I've offered him ideas, and I've even found applications for government aid programs to help him in school. I dont want to push him, so this is where I've left off...but he is so discouraged right now that it seems he's almost giving up. I love that boy. So very much. I just want him to be satisfied with all that he's accomplished.
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| Wind Blowers |
[26 Aug 2009|09:47am] |
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I am convince that God (or whoever/whatever it is that controls stuff) has a giant wind blower in order to create the wind we experience. I remember when my Mom would calm my nerves about tornadoes and such by telling me stories about how each kind of weather is symbolic of something God was feeling or doing. (Rain = crying, earthquakes = throwing a tantrum over frustrations of mankind, thunder - laughter, lighting - him opening his glorious eyes and looking at his creation with love) I never heard what tornadoes and hurricanes were. Probably the suction of the toilet after he took a dump. Or the swirl of the drain water after a long bubble bath. It explains so much.
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| Rushed |
[24 Aug 2009|09:45am] |
Things are winding down very quickly. The new school year starts in 13 work days. I've ordered all of my books, and am currently awaiting their arrival. I am excited about my class schedule. Not really about the classes, as I am finishing up some of my final gen. ed. requirements, but it will be nice to have no classes on thursday, and only one night class on tuesday. I begin campus safety training next monday. I'll be working custodial from 6-8, then going to training from 9-5. This week is my last full week of custodial from 6-2:30. I quit Beth's. She took it well, and Im surprisingly not worried about money at all. I've gotten all of my large expenses out of the way, so the only expenses I'll be dealing with is rent each month, a car payment each month, and gas. It should amount to roughly 250, maybe more depending on how much I drive and how badly the oil companies choose to rip me off. It wont leave much for spending, as I only will be making 250 a month...but I am hoping for some overtime, and my savings I've been putting aside should help a ton. Rob still hasnt found a job, but his hours have picked up at the coffee shop. I have to admit I am a bit discouraged that there wont be a wedding as quickly as I had hoped, but...when you're going to be with someone for the rest of your lives, than what is the hurry? None. I can, and will wait for as long as I need to. The only difference between then and now would be a ring on my finger and the status of my name. Aside from that, things are going alright. I spend my days working and napping, then follow those activities up with enjoying the company of Robert. I really dont think I would have it any other way, except for the work part...which I cant change. Its kinda' essential.
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| Destruction |
[21 Aug 2009|09:45am] |
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You know what makes me feel worse than anything in the entire world? Contrary to what you may think, it isn't rejection, or disapointing others. It isn't loneliness, or my depression. It isnt exhaustion or stress...although all of those come in at a close second. It's stepping on ant hills.
Yes, you read that correctly. Stepping on ant hills absolutely kill me inside. I seriously mourn the fact that either by accident, or on purpose, their entire home has been destroyed. I mean, as a human I sit and wonder so often what really is the MEANING of life? We've made it into being successful and happy. Having a family, being a good significant other, getting a job you enjoy, exploring the worlds, being able to buy and maintain the home you desire, etc. But what does it all amount to in the long run? Practically nothing. It means absolutely nothing come the moment you die. Aside from religious purposes, there is nothing after death. So what good is growing to be 80 if you're just eager to enter Gods kingdom, or start your new life after resurection, or whatever it is you choose to believe happens. That is the reason that stepping on ant hills pains me so much. As a human, one of the most superior beings on the planet, with all of my power and knowledge and growth as an entire colony of humans, can feel that distraught about my own lifecycle, what does an ant feel? We dont even think about it. Some people step on them for fun, some people step on them because they're pests, some people dont even know they step on them. We drive over them, mow the lawn around them, dig up the earth and landscape. We do all of this stuff...after they've spent hours upon hours working on their tiny hill. Dont get me wrong. I hate the ants that invade homes to eat food left uncovered...they're annoying. But worker ants, all of those little guys we see actually SEARCHING for food, searching for bits of dirt and sand to build their colony's home...they deserve more. Why do they even bother? They dedicate their lives to building this home, knowing it'll be knocked down, or destroyed in the rain...so what do I have to complain about? Atleast I can get 50 years of enjoyment out of my habitat, and chances are I didnt have to build it with my own hands. I am grateful to be human. Even if it won't amount to anything.
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| man, oh man. |
[28 Jul 2009|09:52am] |
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I have been meaning to update, and I promise I will later tonight (as I dont have to work my second job, and right now I am only on break at the first job) But alot has gone on...some good, some bad. Of course, however, it feels as if the bad is outweighing the good by a long shot.
I went on vacation, I've gone to cedar point. I got a new job, meaning I'll quit custodial after this summer and begin campus safety. I cant return to school in the fall (to live, atleast) meaning I'll be taking classes but living at home. Rob's place of employment announced yesterday (7/27) that today (7/28) will be their last day, and that they are closing the business' doors. They gave him no warning, so now he is suddenly without a job and must frantically search for another. I also will be quitting my 2nd job, as classes, my new job, and internships/exploratories will be taking up most of my time. Its just a big mess...I feel so rushed, scrambled, out of order and in a daze. I want to find some way to sort this all out and have it be over with. Most of that will come with time, like in August/September the job craze will die down. But some of it I hope will get resolved, like Robs unemployment.
Its a tough world out there, and now taht its hit Rob and I directly, we are truly feeling it. If there is one good thing that has come out of this, it is that now we are both thankful for what we DO have, like my jobs and his (somewhat) other job at the coffee company. Damnit...just when we were starting to save up for engagement rings and wedding planning. Yargh.
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| Sooner or later. |
[23 Jun 2009|09:11pm] |
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I suppose now is as good a time as any to update, seeing as I have sat around all day playing webkinz, throwing up, and sleeping insane amount. I called in sick today, and since I do not seem to have the motivation any other day to update this, why not now...just before I crash to sleep another night away, only to wake up at the ass-crack of dawn to work the 11 hour days I dread so much. Being a custodian sucks...not having options sucks even more.
Aside from being sick today, life has been alright. I havent cut in a long while, although the depression is still an ongoing struggle. I do think that breaking up with Jake was a big part of it. Although he was (and in most ways still is) a huge part of my life, it was a part that had spoiled over the duration of our romantic relationship. He and I are still friends, and the day I left for Africa was the day he left for Arizona. He says it's because living in Jackson would've been too painful, as everything would remind him of me...but I think even if he had stayed, he would've gotten over me regardless. He's doing well, and has moved on, as I told him he would. It just took definite separation for him to take the step into other relationships, even if those havent worked out. We talk still, and I like where we are now. We are the friends that we were four years ago, before we dated. The unhappiness of our relationship was weighing down on he and I both, and I think we've both much happier and healthier people now. I met someone last year, some of you may have heard about him, or even met him, but his name is Robert. He's truly fantastic. I was so hesitant to get involved with someone so soon after Jake and I but I do not regret it and he and I grow stronger in our relationship each day we are together. By this time in the relationship with Jake, my parents, my friends, my family, and even myself could all pinpoint serious problem areas, and in retrospect I can now recognize serious problems that were overlooked (both of our faults), yet I have yet to be able to identify any of those with Rob. My family adores him, even my sister who is VERY critical of significant others' in regard to her siblings. My friends (the few that have met him) all seem to not only approve of him, but enjoy his company. But better than any of that...I like him, and each day am amazed at his character and prescence within my life. He seriously is the first thing I wake up thinking about, and damn near the last thing I fall asleep thinking about each night...I dont think I would have it any other way. Anyways...my wrist hurts, and I have popsicles awaiting my tummy before bed...I'll update this more later. Maybe here on thursday, after work. (Tuesdays, thursdays, and fridays I only work 8 hours. Monday and Wednesday's I work 11)
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| Wow |
[10 Jun 2009|09:37am] |
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It truly has been a long time. I am going to begin making an effort to keep this up. I check it daily to read my friends' updates, but I do not update myself...obviously.
Last I updated, (I think) Was after Jake and I had broken up...since then, I've gone to Africa, finished another year of college, and met Rob. I'm only on break now, so I cannot get to in depth, but I'll update again soon on the details. Love,
me.
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| Kristy, are you doing okay? |
[11 Mar 2009|09:16am] |
Lyrics to Kristy, Are You Doing Okay? :
There’s a moment in time
And it’s stuck in my mind
Way back, when we were just kids
Cause your eyes told the tale
Of an act of betrayal
I knew that somebody did
Oh, waves of time
Seem to wash away
The scenes of our crimes
But for you this never ends
Can you stay strong?
Can you go on?
Kristy are you doing okay?
A rose that won’t bloom
Winter’s kept you
Don’t waste your whole life trying
To get back what was taken away
Though the marks on your dress
Had been neatly repressed
I knew that something was wrong
And I should have spoke out
And I’m so sorry now
I didn’t know
Cause we were so young
Oh, clouds of time
Seem to rain on
Innocence left behind
And it never goes away
Can you stay strong?
Can you go on?
Kristy, Are You Doing Okay
A rose that won’t bloom
Winter’s kept you
Don’t waste your whole life trying
To get back what was taken away
Oh, clouds of time
Seem to rain on
Innocence left behind
And it never goes away
No, it never goes away.
Can you stay strong?
Can you go on?
Kristy, Are You Doing Okay
A rose that won’t bloom
Winter’s kept you
Don’t waste your whole life trying
To get back what was taken away
Dont waste your whole life trying,
to get back what was taken away.
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| Im sorry |
[28 Dec 2008|12:02am] |
For as shitty a goodbye as it seemed...I dont think I could've stayed another minute. Even if Robert wasn't in the car, waiting. Although he was not in any way an 'excuse' to use in order to get out of there faster, he was a means of keeping me safe and alive afterwards. I have been dreading this day just as much as I have been anticipating it (for my trip, of course). Every moment spent with you leading up to this day told me every bit of information I needed to know about how the day would pan out. I knew it would be rough. I knew there would be tears. I knew that the moment I had to walk away, that I would be feeling the pieces of my heart finally crumble, after holding on by a string for the past few months. I knew...that my immediate response, would be an overwhelming feeling of regret. I am sorry. I haven't stopped crying...I miss you already. But I smile when I imagine you enjoying yourself in Arizona, now matter if it takes a year to get to that level of enjoyment. Although I say that I regret it....I know somewhere deep down, that atleast for right now, this moment, at this time in my life...I am confident that this needs to happen. Perhaps later down the road...but who am I to know.
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| My happy Ending |
[11 Dec 2008|12:44pm] |
If anybody ever asks me again what my favourite novel is, I think I might just answer that it is my own life's story. It has been a well read book, and I think every literature major, teacher, or professor would appreciate the winding plot and sudden surprise chapters. Maybe they might even be able to connect with the main character, maybe it would be so amazingly deep and intimate with its readers that they may cry at the end of the novel. The bindingis torn, and the pages are stained with tears, grease, blood, you name it. Its a pretty banged up book... I've just ended my favorite chapter, and it is so amazingly...peculiar how I feel as if I am the reader, looking at my life as if it isnt truly mine. Im crying now, because I relate so well with her..the main character. I dread the next chapter, and have even thought of destroying the book. But I cant do that, because her night in shining armor wouldnt ever want that. I think she left the chapter with a closing that made her appear to be so torn and so hurt, but so hopeful that maybe she's dreaming, or maybe it was all a big lie, perhaps some information got skewed. I wish that this chapter was missing some pages...then i'd feel more comfortable about the missing information that doesnt fit. I dont think she'll ever fully recover, and I wonder who she'll turn to in the next chapters...only time will tell.
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| God damnit... |
[10 Dec 2008|06:04pm] |
Im so...hurt. So crushed. So mad....Never will I ever be able to look at myself in the mirror again and not want to break the image staring back at me. Never will I be able to be proud of myself, my body, my morals, my ethics....I am not smart, I do not know myself as well as I thought I did. And now I've made some not only dangerous, but hurtful decisions... theres no turning back. No way to fix it. No excuses. Not even a half assed reason as to what the fuck I was thinking... it was pure stupidity...
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| Shimmer |
[04 Dec 2008|11:08pm] |
As I was walking back to the dorm room from the library tonight, it began snowing...and I dont think I minded it so much at all. It wasnt the typical snow. It wasn't a flurry with bitter cold gusts of wind. It wasn't large snowflakes that fall with such abundance that I feel like I am walking in a blizzard. It was much prettier. Much better. Much more serine, relaxing, and just..breathtaking. The campus here has old fashioned street lights adorning the sidewalks, and as I passed each one, the snowflake which could not be seen without light, began to shimmer, and flurry. Kind of like when you dust a dirty window sil, and the dust glistens and floats in the sunlight shining through. It was so pretty...and when I couldnt see the snow in the air because of the absence of a street light, the sidewalk was glistening in the glow of the moon. The entire sidewalk closest to me was an aray of sparkles that disapeared as I got closer, and it seemed to move with me. As I approached a new slab of cement, the snow atop that began to shimmer, and so on.
It was so cold outside, that it didnt melt the snow immediately. I dont even know if it could be constituted as snow...it felt more like microscopic pieces of ice... It felt calm...I wish I had the vocabulary to put my feelings and how it looked into words...
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| I didnt say it... |
[28 Nov 2008|11:57am] |
but when I called yesterday morning, at like, 9 am....I was calling to tell you that I am eternally thankful for you, your friendship, and the memories that I have.
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| Missy Higgins |
[18 Nov 2008|09:55am] |
"Where I Stood"
I don't know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me, it's all or none
There were sounds in my head
LIttle voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening
'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside
'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
You mean more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do
'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood
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| ... |
[13 Nov 2008|11:44pm] |
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I update this more often than you may think. I'll update tomorrow sometime, maybe...if I'm not a walking zombie and sleeping my life away
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